Two Weeks of the life of a Stage Four Rectal Cancer Patient in Chemotherapy Treatment--Day Five, Six, and Seven

Day 5

My sickest day.

I don't do much besides my class, homeschool, and nap.

I do have to go go oncology again for a very painful shot to help my white blood cell production. This shot--Neulasta--causes my body to ache as if I have the flu for about three days. It's not exactly a walk in the park to get the shot either. That thing burns for a good half a day.

Last time I took the shot, it caused me to have a rapid heartbeat.

That freaked me out a bit.

Day 6

I have to wake up in the middle of the night multiple times to "burp" Bilbo. "Burping" a pouch is essentially letting the gas out of it. It's best to do this in the bathroom as it's not exactly a rosy smell. How the pouch blows up like a balloon is amusing to me, however.

All balloon-y. Makes me giggle because it looks so weird. Better to giggle than cry!

Still sick today, and very much fatigued.

Some friends of mine combined funds for a cleaning lady to come clean my home, and she came today. I love how the house looks and smells when she is done. It is difficult for me to do physical things for more than about five minutes, so I clear up some things that got missed from Hubby and kiddos quick clear up the night before. The house is not where I like it to be, cleanliness-wise, before she comes, but I'm just too tired to care today. I'm very grateful for my friends who pay for her skills since cleaning my house is typically the last thing on my mind chemo week. And also it gets dirty quickly.

Date night is a staple--chemo week or not. I'm not feeling awesome, but it's nice to get out of the house for something other than doctor appointments. A bonus tonight--the kids were invited to their cousins' place for a sleepover, so Hubby and I have the house to ourselves after our date!

I typically choose Mexican food on chemo week date night because I get thrush every time I have chemo, and therefore can't taste anything for a few days, and the salsa at this place we like usually has a good kick on Fridays so I'm able to taste at least something.

Hubby and I watch movies and stay up way too late, but it feels nice to hang out without the kids (doesn't happen often) and not be doing anything chemo-related.

Day 7

It's too quiet for me without the kids at home, and it feels weird. 

Even our dog is acting weird.

I'm not as sick today, so I don't mind scheduling and having music students over on Saturdays. (Yes, I still teach music lessons right now.) In the morning on these Saturdays I always wish I could just sleep all day, but that's just not reasonable.

Last night I realized I had forgotten to take the over-the-counter pills that help reduce the ache of the Neulasta shot when we were going to bed. I could hardly move I was so sore. And, I'm not talking sore like "good" sore from a killer workout. I'm talking bone sore. I've never been sore like that before. Hubby came to the rescue and grabbed the pills for me so I could at least take them once. I'm supposed to take them twice.

It's difficult for me to look in the mirror right now. I don't recognize the person looking back at me. My face is so round, I've gained so much weight (thank you, steroids), and sometimes it looks like the sparkle is out of my eyes because I'm so ill. I mean, I am being poisoned on a regular basis (even though the nurses don't like that term for chemo), so I try to be easy on myself.

I would love to do my usual workouts like I used to do, and do everything I did before, but I just physically can't do it right now. So, the weight piles on and I avoid the mirror. I'm still numb from my surgeries in June and September on my stomach and my left leg, and therefore exercising is a bit more complicated than usual, plus not feeling well for ten days straight doesn't help with my motivation.

Listen to me with my excuses... I would've never accepted these before cancer. It's amazing how something like this--something so serious and life-threatening--can change your perspective on chronic disease and what people have to deal with. It makes me want to help others when this is over even more.

I'll get back to all my "usual stuff" after I kick cancer's butt.